Versace, Versace, Versace, Versace: A Response to The Worst of Pitchfork’s Top 100 Songs of 2013

Alex Marino

Pitchfork put out their top 100 songs of 2013 a few weeks ago and naturally I hate a lot of them. I know it isn’t easy to make a list like that but after listening to the entire thing over the last few days there’s no way they didn’t pick out specific songs just to get people like me angry. WELL IT’S WORKING YOU DICKS.

Seriously fuck these songs:

Deafheaven – “Dream House”

I’ve never understood screaming for an entire song. I listen to The Mountain Goats more than the FDA recommends so you know I enjoy music about emotional pain and self-destruction, but I enjoy The Mountain Goats so much partly because I can understand what the hell they’re saying.

Want me to share in the emotion you’re bringing to this song? Stop acting like a fucking high school band that’s trying to cover up a lead singer’s shitty voice. The instrumental of this song is honestly great. And I can tolerate an amount of screaming in line with 30 Seconds to Mars and The Used but nine minutes of screaming is 8:50 too much.

Drake – “Worst Behavior”

I’ve always been hot and cold with Drake. Lyrically he’s always talking about how he made it, how he proved the haters wrong, and how he’s better than you. That’s okay if it’s only for a few songs but I feel like every Drake song I hear makes some mention about how successful he is and FUCK THA HATERZ. It’s getting old, man. And how lazy do you need to be to use part of Mase’s rap from “Mo Money Mo Problems”? There’s a tasteful way to pay respect to your elders but straight up copying their stuff isn’t it.

Migos – “Versace”

I love shitty rap. When I go home to Memphis I listen exclusively to our hip hop station (97.1) in the car. So when this song started up I was so excited. But seriously they say the word “Versace” well over 50 times in a row. Fuck that. Throw this song out and put in Juicy J’s “Bounce It,”

The Knife – “Full of Fire”

What the fuck kinds of drugs were they on when they recorded this song? This is the shitty song they’ll play in the shitty club scene of another shitty Scream movie where one of the secondary characters is about to get murdered. If you like this song I hope you fall in a ditch. Every song on this list is at least tolerable in some way except for this one.

There are some great songs on this list too and just because most of it is garbage doesn’t mean the entire list should be thrown into a digital wood chipper. Give these a listen if you haven’t already:

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